Joyous Angst Emo-Goth Comedy Rave!

The Main Point

I figure it's appropriate given what a night this has been.

It's funny. All the projections and polls showed Obama in a marked lead and the winner of the "most likely to be our next president award," and this had me torn. On one hand, I did not want to underestimate the power of the red states. The image of that electoral map from four years ago was one of the most frustratingly lop-sided things I have ever seen, and totally earned us names like Jesusland or whatever. On the other hand, that overwhelming majority was, time has proven in my eyes, in the wrong. All my years I've come to be very critical of the majority, and this is no exception.

This is apparently not a fair conclusion to make, because if you look at strictly popular vote, Obama didn't teabag McCain quite the way he did with the electoral college. Still... it was my frame of mind all the same.

Anyway, there was also a strong desire to look at the criticisms against Obama. Some sound valid, and some are downright stupid. I won't get into them because I'm sure you've heard/read about them aplenty. Conversely, I'm sure the same is true from the Obama camp. However, it didn't seem to be a campaign of ill-will, but of a fast holding to his platitudes for change. They were just commercials, but that the emphasis was on the man and not the failures of the opponent seemed commendable in my eyes. Too, that he carried himself in commendable ways and did all that good speaking that everyone praises. I gotta admit... it worked on me. It didn't sound like the normal presidential candidate. He may yet still be that regular presidential candidate with a pantload of charisma. But at the same time... maybe it's not? The way he's conducted himself, the plans he's laid out, equally effective and flawed as they may be, and that bigass smile all seem to come together to remind me how great it is to be an American. It could be bullshit, but I'm willing to gamble on it. The campaign trail is all marketing, and he's sold me big time. I have faith that I've invested in something that will pay off, and that tonight will be just the historic start to something truly amazing.

In a way, I liken it to Winona Ryder's dilemma in Reality Bites. Michael Grates (Ben Stiller) was like the John McCain while Troy Dyer (Ethan Hawke) the Obama. Sure, Grates was good to her, treated her well (this may actually break the analogy now that I write it, but bear with me ok? It's 12:30am (I realize this isn't late for a lot of you, and I am one of you, but I need this excuse).), and overall would not have been a bad choice. And admit it, of all the primary choices for the Republican party, McCain wasn't a bad choice. It's too bad he kind of ran against himself in a few ways, but I digress. Dyer was still a guy, but a bit volatile. He had that artist hipster image on him that was infinitely more intriguing, and any peer my age who has any social smarts knows that hipsters can be complete assholes who spout of a lot of nice sounding platitudes but do nothing. The potential, though, for that transcendent state is just so freakin' enticing!

I feel I have to say it again, this analogy is kind of shitty. I don't think Obama is as volatile or inconsistent as Dyer would be, and truthfully I could imagine even Grates voting blue. I think the point is conveyed, though. There's track record enough to prove that both men are competent, and while I wouldn't dread a McCain presidency, I wouldn't be thrilled about it either. It really does sound a lot like what's there now, but with the ability to speak and show intellect. He talked change after a while too, but the numbers didn't seem to suggest it. Honeyed words of change and well-being seemed to have more vitality in the Obama camp as well.

Why am I even writing this? What do I know about these things? Nothing. If you're looking for insight, you lose. Numbers? Did I really say that? Cocks Almighty.

I'll get to the point. I was wanting to get to the fact that Obama won tonight, and watching on msnbc as they cut to scenes of massive cheering crowds across the nation (and even in Kenya) really moved me. I'm truly and sincerely thrilled to see where this goes, and what they've shown us thus far has made it seem like they really are on to something. Hell, he got America to look really fucking good to me tonight. Christ... this guy really may be able to pull it off, and really may be able to rally everyone in to help. Yeah... maybe we really fucking can "Yes we can" this. It makes me smile to think so, and I hope it is so someday. Some new day.

( bonus bullshit )

Been a while, I know.

I go in to observe a high school class in action today. Jesus... I'm really training to become a teacher. Part of me is excited, part of me is nervous, and part of me does NOT want ANY career quite yet!

I had a weird dream today.

So the alien race was on its way to annihilating the human race. All our military efforts worldwide were in vain when squared with their vastly superior technology. For some reason, I was in New York while this all was going on. Somehow, I got the crazy idea to make a speech to as many people as possible saying that we should do our best and change while we can. You know, cultivate our land again, show some love and all that. Or we can continue down this path and inevitably be destroyed. At the very least, do something that will make us all feel good. Maybe we had this coming. This was somehow made possible by the musicians I was just playing with yesterday.

The speech did nothing. I never actually saw the aliens myself but I saw smoke, and heaps of it. And there were loud noises, crowds of frantic people, and my apartment building(?) completely inaccessible. I came across my family and many friends, and the noises grew louder, and the smoke rose higher. I ran back to my apartment (Why?) and as I ran, a large boom could be seen in the distance. The smoke became a wall and it rushed toward us black and unstoppable. I hunched back and looked away and started to scream hoping it would be a completely painless death. All signs pointed to yes but you never really know with aliens. The smoke rushed by, completely blinded everyone and I could feel that despite my closed eyes. The thing is, it passed over us and we were blinded by pure white. Several seconds subsided and things were calm. They had left.

I guess they watched what humanity was doing in its final moments and decided to give us a second chance. Started showing on their advanced screens images of the planet and people like me speaking all that stuff we said. Beyond someone mentioning to me that I was on there, I felt good and moved on. No ceremonies and stuff.

There WAS a dilapidated hotel where Norm and his friends got a room and decided to smoke a lot of pot. Among these gentlemen was my DAD who had a shitload of weed to himself. I almost had a hit myself given that we had come mere inches from complete annihilation, so I wasn't about to get all condemning on the man and probably wouldn't anyway. I left their room, went somewhere else outside... don't remember where, and right about then I moved on to some other dream that I don't remember as well. Then I woke up.

So what the fuck is up?

I'm not sure who reads these anymore. You can find most my crap on my space blog, or random movie/media shit at http://paperotter.blogspot.com.

Anyway, how are y'all who do not read this? I think Gabi and Sandy are the only friends who update their lj's, and gabi's is hardly ever writing anymore. Whether this is good or bad is debatable (tease). Sandy, keep posting neat reads. I don't read them all, but when I do read them they're enjoyable. =\

( Books )

( Stuff )

( Girlfriend )

( Divorce )

( Writing )

( Web Designing )

Ok, this one is fucking longer than a porn star's dick. I apologize, but you don't have to read it, so I also don't apologize.

Oh yeah, go watch/listen to Flight of the Conchords if you haven't already.

Toodles.

Divorce Court today. Don't really want to face my mom, but I know I'll have to. Don't know how to react given her want of a lot of the little money he has. I can't suss it out how it could make sense to her. I see that dad was a cheapass. I see that he was a slouch about family gatherings and going out in general. I don't see that he was a prick to her. I don't see that he didn't financially support her, making it ironic that she seeks monetary restitution. I don't see this making any sense at all. I imagine making sense of it is fruitless, and it's some "unable to understand the heart" shit. That's all fine, if she drifted away what can you do. It sucks balls , you're taking a lot for granted, you're hurting a lot of people, but ok. Asking for money? I have a hard time calling that a mystery of the heart.

Am not looking forward to this. I ate an imitation Pop Tart from Trader Joe's just now. It's better than real Pop Tarts.

What sucks: Seeing the papers served to your dad by the lawyer representing your mom, the contents of which contain erroneous statements like her being forced out of the house or demand that your dad pay for her lawyer when she initiated this whole divorce thing.

I currently drink a glass of the Green Machine flavor of naked juice. Preceding this was a glass of merlot wine and then a cigarette. For some this is a normal thing. For me this is misery. I also reacquainted myself with the spiders in our backyard. There are many.

So great. This "Blog This" feature is ridiculous though.

What it do nephews?

I liked this Colbert Interview with Will Wright.

http://www.videogamesblogger.com/2006/12/05/will-wright-talks-sims-and-spore-on-colbert-report.htm

Good morning, world. Here we have some fancy pants contributions to the morning wakeup. Chief among them is a sore throat waiting to burst out from within the initial point of infection. I can feel the viral molecules tickling my throat as I type.

Second contributor is my cousin sending me a text message about my uncle's art exhibit somewhere in Long Beach this Thursday. I'd like to go to that. Hopefully I can.

Third is my alarm that went off at 8:45am. I have actually arranged to start ninjutsu classes today. This is both massively frightening and mildly exciting. I say mildly because apparently this art was created as a means to kill most efficiently. Where most teach you to both fight and avoid fighting, in an effort to maintain honor and goodness in people, this one was most utilized by assassins that socially shunned and often regarded as less than human. I gotta admit, this kind of bothers me.

HOWEVER, these classes are free, and I do feel a need to get into shape. From that perspective, doesn't seem bad at all.

So yes. I am awake. Good morning. How do you do?

"If I know you, I love you. It's as simple as that."

I saw this on an about me on The Ol' Space and I vomited a little out my ass.

Anyway, for ye who does not see My Ol' Space, I posted these...

http://picasaweb.google.com/tawler/NewYork08

I've commented on the ol' Space about Beck's downfall.

I am currently listening to the Deluxe reissue they recently put out for Odelay and I must say... nothing I say drives the point home like the fact that songs that he didn't release at all sound worlds better than what he's putting out now. He's still catchy, but this stuff sounds so much more alive. Still makes me sad.

Now, if he made a new moper like Sea Change, I think we'd be golden. That seems to be the place he's in, but he's forcing himself to be funky fresh. Oh well. Luckily we have what we have, and the likes of LCD Soundsystem and the Go! Team to keep other funks alive. Of course, it was nice to have an LA voice to go with the Brits and the Yanks.

... Oh well.

Some stuff to chew on and spit out...

1) I go to NYC for the first time this Sunday. I'm wired and fired up for this. Part of me has this small hope that I'll get some sort of fucked up urban "home" feeling to it. Among things planned is a taping of the David Letterman show. Conan is up in the air, and even though we haven't brought it up I'm going to throw the Colbert Report in the fray too. Other things are musicals, for certain I gots to see Sunday in the Park with George only because Sondheim is kickin rad. Maybe that Spring Awakening business too. Sounds Rent pretentious but eh, whatever. Then some typicals like Ellis Island, Guggenheim, Moma and all that crap.

2) The divorce stuff sucks balls. I confronted my mom about it today. Vented some things and I'm not sure if it helped. I mean it's not like I was thinking I would save the marriage or anything, but eh... had to just voice some shit. Hopefully she'll still be up for occasional lunches. She's still mom but Christ it's hard. Sometimes I think I'm detached and cold about it but then something will happen that just bugs the ever loving shit out of me. I hope you don't deal with this... ever. And if you do, I hope it's mutual between your parents.

3) Fuck you.

4) I really want to do one of those stupid internet things. Like take a camcorder and make something episodic, or a podcast... SOMETHING for fuck's sake. There's all these avenues to make something fun and entertaining and god damnit I feel like a total tool for wanting to jump into this zoo of retardation. At the very least I'd like to be in the reptile section. Sly and slick and disgusting but intriguing. Hell, I'll settle for a mammalian thing though. It doesn't really matter. Don't read into this analogy, I'm not even sure how it connects or what it connects to. I have this blog business, sure, but it's a small step in my eyes. That's not to say I mind these entries, clearly I kind of enjoy them. The rub is I'd like to get my own space and put up my own blog. To do that I need to learn how to make these contraptions called web pages. I look at the source code and I suppose there's the copying and pasting, but that's not enough. I'm not that smart a guy. I kind of have to have it spelled out for me for it to sink in. I hate admitting that but at the same time it's a little relieving not trying to put up some false pretense. I don't know what the fuck these tags and commands are or what they do, and I would never figure it out on my own. There, I said it. Let the dogs out, Mr. Who.

5) I want to move somewhere far from here. NorCal looks enticing with Adam and James being up there. Gabi'd be cool to see too, but I'm getting the vibe that I'm being rendered an obsolete friend or something. I can't dump it all on her, I didn't once call her during the holiday break, but she didn't either so I feel like it'd be easy for us to lose touch. In the words of Jeffrey Lebowski, that's a bummer man. But yeah, somewhere new. NYC having some bitchin opportunity would be crazy delicious too. However, whenever I mention that to someone it's always met with "haha, yeah right," making me think that either NYC is impossible to move to because of exorbitant prices, something else I'm completely unaware or only understatedly aware of, or everyone's too pessimistic. I mean why fucking not? There has to be a way. But this is all under some assumption that I'll step off the plane, ride out of jfk, and somehow feel, like I said above, something home-ish. Doesn't even really have to be there, but my imagination envisions real interesting hurdles to jump out there, and a very neat and difficult shift in lifestyle.

6) This fudge sicle is silly cold. My teeth hurt.

7) I should be packing right now.

A couple things...

1) It just occurred to me that the site I write for, www.stereosubversion.com, might just have an oh-so-subtle Christian slant. I'm just going to ignore it for now, except that I did comment on the Christian content in the last album I reviewed and it hasn't been put up yet.

2) I made a YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PiV3qNOWsqA

You know why I was excited to get a macbook? A big part of it was because it's thin.

God damnit.

Oh well, least I have an optical drive.

Of course it hasn't even been announced yet but I'm gonna go ahead and assume and pout.

I'm bothered today by a post on ol' Shacknews.com. A guy there by the internet handle "Lacker" decided to comepletely boycott all Blizzard products because they let World of Warcraft realms, characters etc. be used in a Toyota commercial. I guess to sum up his argument, he calls them money grubbing whores that are using the game's image to sell other things. "You say I'm in the game making business, not the car selling business."

That was his response to my comment on the whole thing. I think it bothers me because I'm torn on whether to agree or not. My instinct says no, because I've come to accept that these gaming companies don't owe me a goddamn thing and they really can do whatever the hell they want to with their products. Also, the key word in his statement is the word business, which is what this all is anyway. I hate the way some people sanctify games like they shouldn't be touched by outside influences or anything. It's retarded.

At the same time, they did exactly what he accuses them of doing. They're whoring their franchise, he isn't even aware of StarCraft characters showing up on Cheeto bags in Korea or WoW characters on Coke cans in China. In a sense, it is a little demeaning, but it's just the way of things. It sucks but it's true. Halo showed up on Burger King soda cups, as did Lord of the Rings and Star Wars maybe for other fast food franchises. The more I think about it, the less surprising it seems, really. I wonder if it will get to that point though, I mean it could. A car commercial doesn't seem so huge when comparing.

But then it also reads like they just don't hold the game up like a baby either, so why should we? I mean it's not like they spend two months developing a game just so the masses will eat it up and they can make a commercially viable option for advertisers of other products. They make a game, they spend a long time making it ridiculously good, and honestly they probably deserve it to some extent.

I suppose Blizzard can also be accused of the converse, making even bigger whores out of William Shatner, Verne Troyer, and Mr. T by roping them in to do WoW commercials.

And then the quality of the commercial is actually not so bad as well, but it's the principle so that doesn't stand for an argument.

Maybe I suck for letting some guy on the internet get under my skin too, but so I am.

It's Christmas.

I went to midnight mass. It's been a while. A shout out to Gabi here because I went to Blessed Sacrament for it.

I like Christmas. I hope you do too.

An old grade school friend, I learned, bought his girlfriend diamonds. I can't really roll with that. Seems like such a flaunty gift. Most people I know look stellar and shop primarily in thrift stores. Most people I know who spend a lot of money look silly. Maybe it's just me. Yes, I am lumping in jewelery as well. If I saw someone wearing a diamond ring, I would think nothing of it. If I saw someone wearing a Bartman decoder ring, you've won me over. You may not win many job interviews with it, but I say bah to that.

Speaking of bah... working at south coast plaza makes you see bitter Christmas shoppers often. I don't understand why you'd even bother if you're so stressed about getting gifts. I don't understand why getting your kid a present is such a bitch of a thing to do. I feel like I'd be driven to get them that thing they want if I had one of those kid things. Like, horrendous parking situations would just be something to face in the journey to lighting up my kid's spirits this morning. On that sappy note I will end this paragraph.

For some reason I really like my life at this very moment. I have no professional direction, my current job is pretty much a joke, and my education thus far is serving me in no practical way. Also, the family situation just crumbles like a Chips Ahoy chocolate chip cookie that's been sitting on the kitchen counter for two months. My talents as I once perceived them are showing signs of the mediocrity they really are with an inability to write a full song and a lack of imaginative writing (Just look some random New Yorker bashed my journal for Christ's sake, or maybe I do know them). On the surface, my life kinda blows ass. On the inside, though, I have all my friends, Kristine, and sort of a family all the same that I do still get a lot of love from. It's good. Here's some shout outs off the top of my head that make life good...

Missy
Kristine
Natalie
Adam
James
Gabi
Burns
Anson
Joe
Lilia
Norm
April
Ellen
Christy
Sandy
Dad
Mom
Colin
Chad
Sean

Thanks for all kinds of shit, all of you. I will now stop. It's reading like the liner notes on an album now.

There are also people to NOT thank. Fortunately, none of them come in direct contact with me like the ones I'm grateful to do. I'm grateful for that as well, as they get under my skin enough.

I will stop now. I have all of Christmas day to face tomorrow. On this note...

Merry Christmas, Fuckers.

So apparently, there's going to be a Hard Rock Park.

Go and See.

Sure, it's South Carolina, a state I can't even come up with a specific joke about but I'm sure the wikipedia page on it has plenty, but you know what? There's a ride here called Led Zeppelin: The Ride.

If ever a way to take a big honkin' shit all over the band that inspired me to play guitar, one of the few things I steadily do and love to this day, a whole decade later (fuck you this is a long time for me), this is the way.

So here is where I finally put my foot down. I will NOT be buying any more Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirts. I know none of you give a shit and those that even knew about it generally deemed me a tool for doing it so really this is just a step forward for completely different reasons.
Yeah they were corporate and out for money, yeah ultimately they served burgers and drew you in by turning rock's not-fine history into novelty, but I have to admit, it was awesome to go somewhere where you could see a glass case of random shit that had something to do with something I love. What else? I kind of like their burgers. Fuck, they're tasty. And the fries? Awesome seasoning. At the very least the draw led to a decent product. The OTHER benefit to those T-Shirts besides turning me into a shill for good burgers and pseudo-museumness was that they served as cool little markers of places I've been. I have them going all the way out to Paris, it's kind of cool. I can even attach little memories to them that are neat. The Paris one was a fun little lone excursion of the city between Dad and I. We got to wander into a part of the city we would have otherwise never checked out. And not that there was anything particularly exciting (another baroque McDonald's... woo), but by and large it's a beautiful place and it's just plain worth soaking in as much as possible. Just the aimless wandering is fun in and of itself as well. We even got lost and had to find an English-speaking local who was kind enough to guide us straight. It's also incidentally one of the smallest Hard Rock Cafes around. But I digress.
This theme park is just going too far. I know I'm stupid, but I do strongly believe that rock is an art form just as legitimate as any other genre of music. It's the absolute BEST reflection of the youth of today out there and no other form of music captures the way we dumb kids can feel. Sadly, we dumb kids are the most targeted audience by just about everything, and our fine new form of expression has been tooled and warped into this advertising vehicle that it is today. Even my indie acts let their songs show up in Volkswagen commercials or get twisted into Outback Steakhouse jingles. This theme park just tops about everything I've ever seen before it. Now people will pay $30+ to walk into a huge mass of land where Cream will help sell $6 cheeseburgers and Rage Against the Machine's "Bulls on Parade" will blast ironically next to a funnel cake booth. And now they even managed to get my Led Zeppelin to sell out worse than they did with the Cadillac commercials by attaching their name and the song "Whole Lotta Love" to a fucking roller coaster. Well that's spectacular. I'm sure the world will love it.

My immediate impulse is to turn my nose up to it, as I'm sure many a snobbish music lover will. That same impulse is a part of me that's hurt knowing art that I and millions of others somehow identified with in youth are now being used to sap more money out of us. It's just depressing no matter how I slice it. What might be even worse, though, is that we get so righteous about this shit. It's just fucking music. Led Zeppelin didn't make themselves important to me, I did that. There's that video I saw on YouTube, Thou Shalt Always Kill, that has a part about putting bands on pedestals and about not ditching them when they become popular. Overall the video's kinda stupid in its bluntness, but it still has a point. We have to let this "rock is sacred" crap go. I'm not saying that the songs that shake you to your core are worthless and you're dumb for feeling that, I'm saying that we just have to be grateful we have that, and keep listening, and let it do whatever it does to us, and that's that. We don't have to take it any step further. We don't have to call "Stairway to Heaven" scripture and deem it untouchable by the commercial dollar. It is. It's recorded sound that can make millions swoon. What IS untouchable is how you feel when you hear that song.

Where this leaves us kids is as rats following the pied piper. The ads get a hold of the things that bring those feelings out in us and try and lead us down a path where they gain from our feelings. It's really devious, and it works pretty much every time. So really it's not the tarnishing of the band's good name that's the big downer here, it's ours. Yeah, it sucks that Led Zeppelin got bought off to put their name on a stupid roller coaster. It sucks more than their song being used in Cadillac commercials. What sucks even more is that the only reason it even happened is because we'll buy it. I want to say I'm above it, and in this particular instance I am, but fucked if I didn't keep buying their shirts because they had a glass case chock full of Beatles merchandise, reflecting my all time favorite band.

This also sucks with the whole industry focuses on the profitability of our feelings here, meaning the genre as a whole diminishes in quality. That's not totally true, there is still stellar music coming out very consistently. But the stellar music RARELY gets the limelight anymore.

It's just a whole new low to me, and I'm bummed about it. These stupid songs mean something to me, and all the powers that be can see in that is a chance to make money. Couple that with the artists themselves letting them try that on me and it's just a double whammy. But none of that compares with the fact that we let it happen. Here's to our art, strangled dead and we don't even know it.

Also... why the fuck does Jimmy Page all of a sudden have George Washington-white hair?

Holy Shit...

http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/50000

So I went to the Huntington Beach Circuit City to find a game that's getting all the pajazzmas praise these days. Call of Duty 4 if you're curious. It wasn't there. I then went to the brand new one in Seal Beach. It was there. But as I was walking out of the store with my newfound waste of money I looked to my left and right and realized it looked virtually IDENTICAL to the outside of the Huntington Beach one. I found myself asking "Did I fucking go ANYWHERE?" Was an Islands restaurant nearby? Yes. Romano's Macaroni Grill? Yes. Target? Yes. The only thing lacking in Seal Beach was a book store. I am sure in given time it will be fully assimilated into the Orange County Shopping Center Collective.

Man... fuck this town. One all-night coffee dive that isn't Starbucks. That's all I ask. One goddamn place to sit down and relax with friends and maybe have a drink late at night. Why do I have to drive out to fucking Newport for anything remotely close to that? It's cocks. Sometimes I wonder if I should learn enough about coffee to start my own goddamn place. Of course that involves business savvy, which I sorely lack. I also lack drive... that would help too.

Some hip stuff...

http://www.jamphat.com/rap/index_files/image141.jpg